i have never hurt like this before

well, today was the saddest sunday of my life. i got released as the first counselor in the relief society presidency in my ward. it was weird, i thought that i was going to feel a sense of relief myself from getting released but instead i felt like a giant hole formed in my heart that i didnt know how to fill. it was strange what an amazing sense of sorrow i felt as i was released. its weird, i have felt a lot of things in my life, and i am no stranger to sorrow, but i had never hurt like that before. it took all of my energy to hold back the tears that were beginning to form in my eyes as we sang the sacrament hymn. then after a while i thought that i had gotten over it and that i was going to be ok, but then, relief society. i walk in and sit down in a desk, not in front of all the girls, and again it hits me, i had never hurt like that before. so when john dewitt came in and invited any girls that wanted to go to missionary prep to come, and since my best friend tania is going on a mission soon i decided that i would go with her. while i was there i really enjoyed it, i love learning about the gospel and i love preach my gospel, so im excited to learn from that. so i was really glad that i had gone. and then after sunday school i talked to ingrid (the new first counsler), and she looked so scared, but i knew that she would do an amazing job. but again, the hurt i felt was so beyond that which i had ever felt before. i still know that it is going to take some time to get over it all, but i know that the Lord will always do what is best for me and for everyone else. im grateful that i will have a new opportunity to serve in a different way in the ward, i just wish that it would have come immediatly, but all good things take time, so i will wait patiently and serve the ward in my own way. <3.

"ive walked through sorrow
til i could walk no more
ive felt the winds of change blow so hard
its chilled me to the core
and pain has knocked at my door
but i have never hurt like this before

only one
can take the pieces of my heart
and make them whole
only one
can part the darkness
and breathe light into my aching soul
one way
one light
one hope
only one

ill pick up the pieces
every little bit
ill gather all of them
even ones that seem impossible to fix
and ill place them all in His hands
what i cannot restore He can

only one
can take the pieces of my heart
and make them whole
only one
can part the darkness
and breathe light into my aching soul
one way
one light
one hope
only one"

-only one written by hilary weeks

do you need to pee?

so tonight im sitting at my sisters house and im pretty sure that my puppy needs to pee because she keeps trying to jump on the ground and is wimpering a little bit so i pick her up and hold her so her nose touched mine and i keep asking her if she needs to pee. its seeming a little funny so i say, "does poky need to pee? one lick for yes and two licks for no." so she licks my nose and then she kinda licks again but it didnt touch me so im thinking, haha, that was funny, she must need to pee. so caitlyn says shes not so sure that that counted because poky was TRYING to lick me again but i moved, so i lift her up to my nose again and i ask, "does poky need to pee? one lick for yes two licks for no." and the next thing i know caitlyn is shouting, "is she peeing on you?" and sure enough, my puppy was peeing on me, and as i realize this is whats happening both caitlyn (sitting on a different couch) and my sister (sitting next to me) jump up off the couch and run to the opposite side of the room, which isnt very far, well, i just put my dog down and let her finish her business as everyone else laughs and points. she was so scared, she thought for sure that she was gonna get in trouble, but i kept my cool, (and im not gonna lie, i was pretty proud of myself.) personally, i think shes done pretty good. since i got her, which was about, id say a month ago maybe a little more, she hasnt had an accident on anyone except for tonight on me. i think thats pretty impressive myself, and lets face it, i was asking for it! next time ill just take her outside and assume that she has to pee, i think well have a lot less accidents that way! <3.

holy kennel!

well, as you all know i am on vacation in carlsbad, ca. it is quite wonderful. i got up this morning at about 10, and then i ate breakfast, got ready, and went shopping!!! i bought a shot glass (surprise surprise) and a singing bowl, its really cool, and pretty. i think it has a beautiful sound. i also tried a white hot chocolate, which, i love white chocolate, so i thought it was delicious! my mom wasnt a fan. i also bought some more hot cheetos and smartwater! then i came home, had some lunch (sourdough toast, hot cheetos, hot chocolate, and some water) and got online. then i get a text from my AMAZING roommate christy! what does it say? "oh by the way ... poky got out of her kennel today .. yes she did" and then she sent me this picture with the caption "holy kennel!"

haha holy kennel is right! apparently my very smart and mischevious puppy clawed her way out of her kennel while my roommates were at work. she then went on to poop and pee in both the kitchen and my bedroom. when christy came home she wasnt expecting the exciting greeting of poky barking at her from ... the hallway? haha, things sure have gotten exciting over there, as for me, ill continue to relax on the beach and think, its not my problem for 5 more days! haha. <3.

boogie boarding!!

well, we woke up today and everyone decided it would be a good day for the beach! and i wasnt about to complain!! so we all got ready, and we packed up, and headed down to the beach. we got there and just laid there for a while, feeling the nice breeze. it was cloudy and cool, and oh so nice! well, after about an hour sis. adams, sis. acedo and i decided to get in the water! so we got in and it was pretty chilly. then we got the boogie boards and i totally sucked and it was completely fun! i totally biffed it one time and then the back current was pulling me out and i was flipping out to sea, quite literally, it was hilarious and fun! i probably swallowed a gallon of sea water, but it was worth it. the water was even saltier than i remembered. but i got to boogie board and i liked it and i had fun fun fun in the sun! <3.

the beach!!!!

so, im at the beach ... ha! you know you're jealous! but i got here yesterday and went down to the beach and sat and read a book. when i got here it was an amazing 66 degrees outside, so beautiful! but the most amazing thing so far is, i got up this morning at five and took a shower, then i went out to our balcony overlooking the beach and i read my scriptures while the waves crashed. it was spectacular. everything was so calm and peaceful. im so grateful for all the beauty the Lord has blessed us with, and for the knowledge that He gives, everyday i am grateful for the knowledge that i have of His love for me and of His everlasting gospel!

i miss my roommates some, but being here is worth it. but i find my heart breaking everytime i see people at the beach with their dog and know that my puppy is at home without me. i miss her so much. for all the work that she is i still love her more than i ever thought i could and even when im here looking at the breathtaking views before me i still half wish i was home with her instead. but the beach is amazing and the company is great! <3.