its hard not to find it all a little bitter sweet.

so ... today was the day that i had to give up a little piece of my heart. poky the little puppy. when i first bought her, i was unsure that i could handle a puppy. i wasnt sure that it was worth the time and things that i would have to give up. such as, staying out as late as i wanted, or as long as i wanted, getting a full good nights sleep. waking up when i wanted to, not when poky needed to pee. putting her needs in front of mine like, making sure she had food before making sure id have food. making sure she could be bathed, clothed (collars and leashes), and happy. taking her to the doctor frequently, affording her medicine before buying gas, to make sure that she would be ok. it was a big change, to finally put someone (something?) before myself for the first time in my life. to put aside all of my wants to be able to take care of her needs. having to make sure i had somewhere for her to go before making plans to go on a trip. or cleaning up her little messes. those first few weeks were so overwhelming because of all of these things, and there were many times when i thought to myself, just find her a new home, it isnt worth all this work, but as i prayed about it, i knew that that was not what i was supposed to do. that i couldnt just give her up, that the easy way out was not for me. so i stuck with it, and little by little, i stopped noticing all of the things that i had to give up, and started noticing what i was getting from my poky little puppy. i started to realize all of the blessings she brought to my life, and how much the little things she did made such a difference in my day. those are the things that i miss. i miss kisses every morning to wake me up. i miss seeing her run around in circles. i miss playing with her. i miss hearing her coo like a pigeon. i miss seeing her sit on top of the couch with her nose through the blinds watching the world outside. i miss how excited she got every time i came home. i miss watching how hyper she got when new people came to "play". i miss her barking at brooms, and vacuums, and chairs, because she was afraid of them. i miss having her curl up next to me on the couch when she was tired. i miss being able to feel relief to go home because someone was there who loved me unconditionally, who would show me the love i needed even if i may not deserve it. i miss knowing that i was responsible for the happiness and well-being of something so small and otherwise helpless. i miss the ability to find happiness by just being with her, just seeing her. i miss her licking my tears away when id cry. i miss how soft she was. i miss watching her jump up onto the couch, i miss watching her miss. i miss having her come running to me when she got hurt. i miss getting smacked by her tail when she was happy. i miss her at night, when i sleep all alone. i miss watching her get ready for bed by scratching the blanket to make it soft, then crawling under it and curling up as close to me as she could. i miss feeling whole. i feel like so much of me, and my happiness left when she left. then when it came time to give her away, i found myself, instead of saying, "just find her a new home, it isnt worth all this work" saying how am i supposed to just find her a new home? just give her up? how can i let go when she means so much to me?. well, i knew that i had to give her up, if i was to do the things that i knew i needed to do, to go where the Lord needed me. so i gave her up, and although i told people, "that was so much better, easier, than i had expected" the truth is it was the hardest thing i have ever had to do. i miss her so much more than i could have ever thought possible. i want to be with her every minute of everyday. i think about her all the time. i wish my life would have gone differently, that i could keep her with me forever. i want nothing more than to have her in my life, in my house, in my arms. but, its hard not to find it all a little bitter sweet, she is doing really well where she is now. the people shes living with love her and give her that love. it also helps that i can see her when i want to and dont have to give her up completely. i cannot believe how much i grew to love her, and in the course of a little over a year. she is still my puppy, she always will be, she means so much to me, i love her more than i ever imagined possible, she has changed me in so many ways, i feel like such a better more prepared person because of her. i miss her, and i know that those nights, when i am far from home, and am feeling all alone that she is that one i will miss and want the most. (no offense to anyone else) but she just has a way of always making me feel better. i love her, my poky little puppy.

poky little puppy in the first week i bought her.

poky little puppy a few weeks before i had to give her up.

scripture of the day:

john 15: 12-13

12 This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.

13 Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.

today i am thankful for:

* the time that i was given with my poky little puppy.

* the ability we have to be responsible for different things and people.

* music.

* the people who love me for me.

* friends that are there to help me when life gets hard.

* the love that my Heavenly Father has for me, and shows me.

<3.

a pictures worth 1000 words.

it has recently come to my attention, right now, that since i am a poor "blogger" you people have no clue what i have been up to since my last blog before i again began to blog. because of this i have decided to put together a picture tribute so you can see what it is that i have been up to. here goes:

the day of the water fight.

dinners at g-ma's house.

baseball games in snowflake.

playing with "nieces" and "nephews".

visiting the snowflake temple.

going to model homes.

birthdays at ppp.

dinner at denny's.

bff bracelets.

caitlyns 22nd birthday.

u2 ward campout.

playing with poky.

fun with family on my 21st birthday.

more birthday.

more time with poky.

well ... that outta sum it up.  14,000 words for your viewing pleasure. i hope that this quick picture tribute has given you an idea of what i have been up to. 

scripture of the day:

mormon 9 : 37

37 And may the Lord Jesus Christ grant that their prayers may be answered according to their faith ...

today i am thankful for:

* redbox and the ability it gives me to watch movies for cheap, cheap, cheap.

* my new favorite place ever, swirl, where they have tastee frozen yogurt, and you get to put it together yourself, and it is fun, and it costs 39 cents an ounce, it was good.

* a best friend that i get two more months with!

* food city and all it has to offer.

<3.

the fourth.

so, as i am assuming everyone knows, today was the fourth of july. i was a little bummed at the beginning of the week when i realized that i would be all alone in my house for this holiday! and then i remembered that i would also be missing my two brothers and i was a little unsure as to how great my fourth was going to be. well, i go to bed last night, at a decentish hour i might add, and at about 915 this morning my phone starts making noise, at first i thought, heck no, im tired, ill just let it ring. but after a second or two i thought about it and i decided to answer. well ... it was my daddy calling to see if i would like to go to breakfast with he and my mom and my sister and her husband. and ... lets face it ... i like to eat. so i said yes. i got up and got ready and headed off to my parents. from there we headed off to ihop where we met my sister, jessica, and brother-in-law, trevor. we had a good time laughing and enjoying ourselves. and we loved eating our tastee food. i had the ham and cheese omelette and my mom had some hawaiian pancakes of some sort. trevor had some strawberry crepe looking things. jessica had the stuffed french toast and my dad had some corned beef hash and eggs, and of course ... pancakes! while we were eating a certain two people, (i bet you cant guess who), started talking about how they wanted to see the transformers movie, this discussion turned into, if we go see the transformers movie, who would go with us? so we started planning a trip to the movies. we decided that our best bet would be the one at the cinemark at 12. it was 1115 when we left ihop and we then had to make a quick trip to safeway and then we headed off to the movies. so, we watched transformers, which i thought was ok, it would have been much better if they would have just left out a few scenes that i found a little risky. but other than that it was good. and i enjoyed it. after that we parted ways and i went and turned in my redbox movie and then went to frys to get some dessert for our cookout and also some stuff for dinner tomorrow. well, around 530ish my mom texted me to tell me that her and my dad were on their way to my aunties for our cookout. so i wrapped up the things i was doing online and headed out. i got to my aunties house and we had some dinner. we had hamburgers and hotdogs and chips and pink salad and potato salad. it was tastee for sure. then we hung out, watched all the different fireworks we could see around the valley. had some dessert and then we left. it ended up being a really great fourth of july!! one of the better fourths i have ever had. i also thought it was cute because both my mom and dad, and sister and brother-in-law were matchy matchy fourth of july colors, it was nice, so i took picture to remember.

well, as you all know, i am not about to be shown up by my mom and dad, and definitely not by my sister and her husband, so when i got home, i rallied my intelligence and found a way to show my red and blue matching all by myself, ha!

also notice the matching balloons behind my head. haha. i didnt plan those they just came out that way, which is perfect, i might add!!! happy fourth everyone! 

scripture of the day:

alma 53: 20 - 21

20 And they were all young men, and they were exceedingly valiant for courage, and also for strength and activity; but behold this was not all - they were men who were true at all times in whatsoever thing they were entrusted.

21 Yea, they were men of truth and soberness, for they had been taught to keep the commandments of God and to walk uprightly before him.

today i am thankful for:

* the freedom that i am able to have because of the sacrifices that other people have given. 

* my family both immediate and extended and the love that they show me and the time that i am able to spend with them.

* ice that makes water from the tape taste cold and refreshing instead of luke warm and nasty.

* cute little kids who, for no good reason, show love and kindness to people that they dont even know that well.

* holidays that bring families and friends together, and make strangers nicer to each other.

* bobby pins that make it possible to do things with my hair that would be otherwise impossible, or at least improbable. 

<3.

scripture power.

i will be the first to admit that my scripture reading skills leave something to be desired. i am not the best at reading everyday. im not the best at searching the scriptures and pondering them in my heart. im not the best at even knowing where my scriptures are sometimes. but i love the scriptures! i know that they are important, i know that they are true. i know that i should be better and do better at studying them, looking to them for guidance and answers. when i used to read my scriptures, back in the day, (again, not everyday), i found myself closing them at the end of reading and realizing i had gotten nothing out of them. i was none the better for reading. every now and then i would come across a scripture and think to myself, wow, what a great scripture, i will definitely remember that one. and by the end of the day, no matter how hard i searched, i couldn't seem to be able to relocate that scripture ever again. well, one day i thought to myself, i should really do something about this, come up with some sort of way to remember better what i have read and go back and find it again. well, not long after i made the best purchase of my life, a scripture marker ... but not just any scripture marker! it has about eight colors in just one scripture marker!!! it is practically the most amazing thing ever invented. i decided to set up a color scheme to help me understand my scriptures better. so if you ever look in my scriptures, different colors mean different things, i wasnt just pleased with the pretty colors and wanted to use them all, but it actually means something. here is the color scheme i worked up for myself:

scriptures in red are scriptures that were read in institute or church or firesides, etc ... that i liked or thought were important. i call these church general.

scriptures in blue are scriptures that i have read while personally studying the scriptures that i liked or thought were important. i call these personal general.

scriptures in orange are scriptures that i read and noticed were scriptures where other people are commanded to do things, or told what things to do to make their lives better and happier and in turn are scriptures where if i do what they say, my life will be better and happier. i call these things to do.

scriptures in green are scriptures that i read and they blow me away! and i find myself consumed by them, and so strengthened in my testimony that even i cant believe it. i call these my favorites.

scriptures in pink are scriptures that i read and think to myself, _____ would really benefit from that scripture, or that scripture reminds me exactly of _____. i call these for or about others.

scriptures in yellow are scriptures that i read and are scripture mastery scriptures (from seminary) and dont really fit any other category, so they get yellow. i call these scripture mastery.

and last, scriptures in brown are scriptures i read and find myself liking, but not seeing them fit into any category that i have set out, but i want to mark them, i just dont know what color, these scriptures get brown. i call these other.

now, you may be asking yourself, yes, but what if you have one scripture, but it fits more than one category? well simple, just mark the different parts of the scripture different colors. i have some scriptures where just one verse is two or more colors! also, i found myself marking one verse completely one color, or even two colors, and then going back and reading it days, weeks, or months later and thinking, i really wish i had marked this with a little ____ too. well, have no fear! i also came up with a way to fix this problem. i found these clear little circle stickers that come in different colors. they are called stick-its. they are the perfect size to put around the verse number and they came in all of the colors i needed except brown! so for the stick-its i just substitute purple for brown and i am good to go. so now i have some scriptures that have two or more colors and then also have a colored stick-it over the number so that i know, hey, i liked it for this reason too!. it has worked out so amazingly for me! i love flipping through my scriptures and know exactly what each verse means to me!! it has blessed my life so much and has made me enjoy scripture reading. there is never a time now that i dont get something out of reading my scriptures! and when i am looking back for a scripture i can almost always find it because i just remember, what did it mean to me? what did it say? what color would i have made it?, and then i just look for those colors, and it is so easy to find it! i feel like i truly have scripture power! here is an example of what one scripture looks like in my scriptures!

this scripture is in Second Nephi. it is chapter 32 verse 3:

3 Angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore, they speak the words of Christ. Wherefore, I said unto you, feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do.

now you may be thinking to yourself, great! ... why are you telling me this?, well, i will tell you why. since i am now putting a scripture of the day at the end of each of my blogs i have decided to type them out using my color scheme and you can interpret them and see what the scripture means to me! and ... if you like ... you can try it out for yourself! i know that it will enhance your scripture reading and help you remember what it is that you got/get out of your scriptures!!!

scripture of the day:

Alma 5 : 14, 26

14 And now behold, I ask of you, my brethren of the church, have ye spiritually been born of God? Have ye received His image in your countenances? Have ye experienced this mighty change in your hearts? 

26 And now behold, I say unto you, my brethren, if ye have experienced a change of heart, and if ye have felt to sing the song of redeeming love, I would ask, can ye feel so now? 

things i am grateful for:

* a brother who knows how to, and is willing to, do my taxes.

* the scriptures and the blessing that they are in my life.

* telephones and the ability they give us to get immediate answers to problems and questions we have, even with people who are hundreds of miles away.

* food and the fact that it is tastee and delicious and helps us to function.

* t.v. shows that teach good morals and values, even if they are for little kids!

* agency and the ability that i have to know that all of the good things i have gotten out of life were because i chose the right and was able to have those things in my life, and also the ability that i have to know that the consequences of my actions come from wrong decisions i make in my life. to know that they come because of me, and that they can also be removed, and changed, and fixed by me, and by choices i make.

<3.